its been a while.. but it has been re-activated,anyway
ok,lets rolled!
frustrated - blown up in anger - get my sanity back - APOLOGIZE.
that is, my friend, how my emotion cycled.
its easy for me to be mad, and somehow, get calmed for the next two seconds. weird,i know. but it makes me understand that when i did some mistakes,i have to ask someone's forgiveness. its a must.
Well,the problem is : for this twenty-two years, I've been living with someone who always has an issue with her pride (did i say 'her'? ok,its 'she'). For this particular person,the words "I AM SORRY" are the thougest words to say. The most forbidden ones. She often takes a silly-brother-and-sister's jokes become a long and deep useless friction.
Sometimes,when we got mad to each other, she will take the anger for days. The younger sister -me- as the one who is imposible taking my anger too long,will say 'SORRY' first. Then,everything back to normal. We laugh at it.
But,there's a time when she admitted that the cause of our friction was HER. It was HER FAULT. Still,she refused to say sorry since she knew that I WILL. get the picture? sucks.
Recenly,it feels even worse for me. Couple days ago,she asked me to go along to a neighbour city, the so-called BGR. hahaha. well,since I was doing my oh-my-god-the-dateline-is-coming-up-thesis,i said "ok,maybe i can". then,the next day i found out that the oh-my-god-the-dateline-is-coming-up has became oh-my-god-the-dateline-is-COMING. So,i made the most logical decision all humans will take, i cancelled my BGR-trip-plan. Its obvious that i have to had my brain and body overwork for this thesis. everybody should be understand,but of course, she didnt take it well. Anyway,she decide to stop talking to me since then.
Today,she back from the trip. Still mad at me. Still have the you-promise-me-and-you broke-it looks in her eyes. Did i say sorry? YES,I DID. eventhough i didnt even know why she was the one whos angry,instead of me. since i am the one who has been ignored without any reason. And did anything got better when i apologized? NO. With those arogant looks,she choosed to ignore me. and selfishly said,"it was just a reason,you do your thesis. but in matter of fact,you didnt!". She,doesnt know what ive been done for this thesis-from-hell. But,just like ALWAYS,she wont care at all.
With those unlogical pride she choosed to keep,
with all those stubburn reasons existed only on her big head,
without any ideas about my circumtances,
SHE PUT THE BLAME ON ME...like always.
Im done with this.
