Mereka Kuat, Kamu (Mungkin) Tidak

Jangan bersedih
Biarkan langit yang menggantikanmu menangis
Biarkan petir yang menggantikanmu tersedak karna sesak
Mereka kuat
Kamu (mungkin) tidak.

Kamu punya aku,
berdoa untukmu.

hei, kamu yang manis

hei, kamu yang manis
bukan, bukan manis krim kue yang membuatku mengernyit
maksudku manis seperti matahari pagi
yang diam-diam hangat di pipi

hei, kamu yang manis
tolong jangan berhenti bercerita
mimpi-mimpimu indah. menginspirasi. berambisi.
membuatku ingin ikut berlari
mengejarmu yang sepertinya sudah kepingin pergi

hei, kamu yang manis
walau katanya hati dan logika jarang seirama
saat ini dua-duanya setuju: sepertinya aku mau kamu

a day before graduation

Some say that graduation is the end of misery from getting chased by a group of heartless assignments and tests.  Some other may say the contrary; that it’s the beginning of life in being an adult. Being a real human. Beneran jadi orang, our grandparents say. 

For me, graduation –this current graduation – feels a lot like hesitancy. Somehow, I don’t get, or yet, that satisfactory grins which usually become the best feature of the graduates. I don’t really feel like I’m cutting the misery, since I actually enjoyed being a student.  Neither have I felt like I owned a significant achievement.  

Tomorrow’s graduation comes terrifyingly. It comes together with two pairs of eyes – my parent’s – filled with pride and expectations. And I’m terrified those eyes will slowly turn into disappointment as my real-life goes by. If only they knew, I was not doing it all so well. I did just fine. 

All and all, I think this pre-graduation jitter comes with terrible feeling of being not more than fine.

"frezz"

iya,ini adalah salah satu dari hari-hari 'itu'. hari yang dimulai dengan hati riang gembira sampe sekitar jam delapan pagi gue baru sadar kalo The Big Bang Theory Season 3 keapus dari harddisc *penting*. selesai marah-marah sama diri sendiri (biasalah anak muda), gue baru inget punya janji ketemu temen gue di kampus sebelah nanti siang.

sekitar jam 11,gue melenggang ke halte busway to find out it doesnt come until thirty minutes later. bermaksud untuk ga bikin ribut di halte busway, gue memutuskan untuk menunggu sambil bikin...kue. Ga lah. gue menunggu dengan damai sambil sebisa mungkin bersikap keren walau muka sama ketek udah sama-sama basah (jakarta panas hari ini. ngeles). sampe tujuan, gue sempetin maling wifi di jco. sebelum duduk manis,gue tanya sama mas-mas jco password wifi disini, yang dijawab "freeze blend". setelah dua kali "hah? apa mas?" karena mas-nya ngomong di depan blender yang sedang bekerja,akhirnya password terkonfirmasi dengan baik dan gue tersenyum manis sambil bilang makasih.

lima belas menit dan satu gelas chocoforest kemudian,wifi ga nyambung juga. karena ga rela minuman seharga Rp.30.000,- ini berlalu gitu aja tanpa gue berhasil pake wifi,akhirnya gue balik lagi ke counter utk tanya password wi-fi. kali ini gue pilih personil yang ga sedang mengoperasikan blender. karena mungkin dia kira gue salah denger waktu pertama kali dikasihtau (salah blender mba! bukan salah gue!) akhirnya dengan baik hari dia tulisin passwordnya di selembar kertas. Oala..ternyata tulisannya "frezz blend", bukan "freeze blend". di saat yang sama,mas yg pertama kasih gue password tadi melirik dengan mimik "i told you so". Oh mas,yamana gue tau tulisannya "frezz" bukannya "freeze". dude,its not even english!

Reviving the thoughts

1.. 2.. 3.. CLEAR!
*bzzzt*

welcome back to life,blog.
walau kemunculan kembalinya ga sedramatis adegan ER,akhirnya blog ini 'terpaksa' dibangunin dari mati suri demi tulisan-tulisan yang terkubur reblog di tumblr. dan gara-gara seorang sahabat dengan tajam menukas, "emang masih jaman yah,curhat-curhat di word terus disave sendiri?". uhuk. guilty.

blogging tuh kerasa penting untuk orang yang sanguin tapi introvert kaya gue. atau dalam bahasa kurang keren : nerdy. selain merasa kalo diary elektronik (iya,maksudnya curhat di word) minim respon kaya curhat secara live, blogging jadi alasan yang bagus untuk masuk coffee shop dan ngetik-ngetik cantik. bukannya ngetik thesis seperti alasan sebenernya kenapa gue cari wi-fi. *ketawa kering*

dosen gue pernah bilang bahwa manusia secara natural suka bicara karena mereka suka mendengar suara mereka sendiri. hukum yang sama berlaku untuk tulis-menulis, gue rasa. jadi, menjadi sanguin-ly introvert yang berarti kemampuan gue bicara agak terbatas tapi pikiran membludak, posting di blog adalah pilihan yang tepat. ditambah lagi, dengan kecenderungan people-pleasure (bukan dalam arti yang negatif,ehm.) i like to write what people love. yang menjadikan semua wadah tulisan gue selalu labil. jadi ramuan random dengan 'saya', 'aku', atau 'gue' sebagai pelaku yang menulis daily occurences ga peduli penting atau  ngga.

hmm, sesederhana itu sih alesan gue blogging (kata blogging lebih enak didenger daripada 'ngeblog' ya ga?). alasan lain? gue blogging bukan karena lg tren, tapi karena kebutuhan. kebutuhan untuk ikut tren. huahahahaha :P

If...you are what you eat..

Too much exited with burger, sandwich, spaghetti, or any un-local food? well, don’t be :)

I just watched a program titled “Food Safari” on Discovery – Travel and Living. The particular episode I watched has a story about Indonesian food. Despite the location was taken in Australia or UK (I don’t know exactly), I saw some excitement from those Caucasian people’s faces about our traditional food.

It feels different when you heard some Englishman and woman pronounced sambal, kerupuk, tempe, or kecap asin (“kechap aseen” as they said. hehe). But it feel nice, either :) The “Indonesian Food” episode mainly delivered the story from the kitchen of an Indonesian resto, named “Sari Asih”. Which is NOT located in Indonesia. Its owner, a Sumatra woman who’s professionally learn about Indonesian food, took the front-woman of “Food Safari” to an adventure...in the market. She introduced the common ingredients of Indonesian food, e.g. kerupuk, kangkung (water spinach. haha), terasi (prawn pasta. hahaha), and others.

This episode also delivered several recipes. Included the recipe about –of course- sambal. A man showed the viewers how to make a “sambal matah”, which I assume as “sambal mentah”. As he minced, the narrator told me that this particular gentleman used to be an official chef for Balinesse royal family, and he also took Indonesian food as his specialization. *wow* After the recipe delivered by the James-McAvoy-look-alike-gentleman, the program then brought us to a man who love to eat –and cook- satay (sate). It’s a common satay we usually find here, and the man looks crazy about it xD

Well, i know a phrase says “you are what you eat”. And if it was right, i assume that its better to start feeling good –and proud- with our own tasty food :D

Burst Your Head Off..Please

its been a while.. but it has been re-activated,anyway
ok,lets rolled!

frustrated - blown up in anger - get my sanity back - APOLOGIZE.
that is, my friend, how my emotion cycled.
its easy for me to be mad, and somehow, get calmed for the next two seconds. weird,i know. but it makes me understand that when i did some mistakes,i have to ask someone's forgiveness. its a must.

Well,the problem is : for this twenty-two years, I've been living with someone who always has an issue with her pride (did i say 'her'? ok,its 'she'). For this particular person,the words "I AM SORRY" are the thougest words to say. The most forbidden ones. She often takes a silly-brother-and-sister's jokes become a long and deep useless friction.

Sometimes,when we got mad to each other, she will take the anger for days. The younger sister -me- as the one who is imposible taking my anger too long,will say 'SORRY' first. Then,everything back to normal. We laugh at it.

But,there's a time when she admitted that the cause of our friction was HER. It was HER FAULT. Still,she refused to say sorry since she knew that I WILL. get the picture? sucks.

Recenly,it feels even worse for me. Couple days ago,she asked me to go along to a neighbour city, the so-called BGR. hahaha. well,since I was doing my oh-my-god-the-dateline-is-coming-up-thesis,i said "ok,maybe i can". then,the next day i found out that the oh-my-god-the-dateline-is-coming-up has became oh-my-god-the-dateline-is-COMING. So,i made the most logical decision all humans will take, i cancelled my BGR-trip-plan. Its obvious that i have to had my brain and body overwork for this thesis. everybody should be understand,but of course, she didnt take it well. Anyway,she decide to stop talking to me since then.

Today,she back from the trip. Still mad at me. Still have the you-promise-me-and-you broke-it looks in her eyes. Did i say sorry? YES,I DID. eventhough i didnt even know why she was the one whos angry,instead of me. since i am the one who has been ignored without any reason. And did anything got better when i apologized? NO. With those arogant looks,she choosed to ignore me. and selfishly said,"it was just a reason,you do your thesis. but in matter of fact,you didnt!". She,doesnt know what ive been done for this thesis-from-hell. But,just like ALWAYS,she wont care at all.

With those unlogical pride she choosed to keep,
with all those stubburn reasons existed only on her big head,
without any ideas about my circumtances,
SHE PUT THE BLAME ON ME...like always.

Im done with this.